Happy valentine's day, high school loner.

Yes, it's that day again. Valentine's day. The day that everyone either loves, or hates. Everyone seems to have a definite opinion on the matter. Some claim that it's a made up holiday by Hallmark to get people to spend more money on useless things. Other people find it to be a magical day that gives the normal person the ability to show their love and attraction without ridicule. I, for one, find it the best of both worlds. Yes, it's pointless. Why should people be more open and loving just because of the date? But on the other hand, the air does seem to carry a bit of magic. Everyone's hopeful that their love will come out of hiding and let them know that they are indeed, loved.

The worst part is the end of the day when you realize that the day has ended. When all the balloons and flowers deflate and die, when your imagination is put to rest, and when you're no longer walking through a day of fairy tales. The worst? The realization. Everything crashes around you, and you understand the depths of your stupidity for over anticipating a lovely day. For creating impossible circumstances. That day is Valentine's Day.

Anyway. That's my views.

So, I'm again in the library. At least I'm not in the computer room. Thank goodness. I think your English 10 class is in there. I know your sub is, with a class... last period... is that your class? Yes it is. They're on blogspot too. Well, one of them is. I don't know what they're doing. (I'm sitting at the widow by the way, stalking your class)

They're having a good time. I empathize. I remember when I was in English 10 and I had good time- WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't even remotely enjoy English last year at all! Last period for 80 minutes every other day. I died, FOR 80 MINUTES. LAST PERIOD. EVERY. OTHER. DAY. I at least had The Friend With Pigtails there. But still. She never was able to take the terrible out of it. English this year, however,is a complete 180 difference.

I have rehearsal tonight. Only the mechanical. I AM A MECHANICAL. I must leave.

V8. Three of your daily vegetable servings in one.

I have not utilized the aspect of the internet where I can show you videos and songs that make me happy. I believe that I should start.

At the moment, I have nothing to say about music or general entertainment.

God the library just filled up fast. There are numerous people sitting on either side of me. I dislike it. I miss my iPod. I'd go get it, but then I'd be getting it. Meh. The Friend With Pigtails is watching anime and stuff next to me. Very philosophical. We had a substitute in your class today. I really hate when you have subs. It's not the sub. It's that the whole class feels wasted. I tried to work on my story on four different computers. FOUR DIFFERENT COMPUTERS. The first one just turned off randomly. Twice. The second one I brought to my desk was locked on someone's profile. The third one was labeled "Not For Google Docs Use" with a sticky note. And finally, the last one was missing the latch to open it. TO OPEN IT. Luckily, The Friend With Pigtails is a ninja at opening the closed one and got it ready for me. So, when I finally got logged into a good, working computer, it was about five minutes until the bell was to ring. Got to love technology.

One Acts are coming up very soon. I'm so..... I don't know how to describe it. Last minute competitions are always terrible for me. Poetry, Drama, and even the writing competition thingy. I always second guess everything. I have no confidence in what I'd be doing whatsoever. 



At least there are good friends that can help ease my nerves. Who knows? Maybe One Acts will be a chance for me to get closer to people I've been waiting to make a move for a while. I'll have Him in the back of my mind the whole time.

Gah, my book. I have been so done with it for the longest time. The concept is annoying me, the writing is turning to muck, and I'm just plain tired of this. I'm going to be so happy when I'm done with it, even though I know when I send it in I'm going to second guess EVERYTHING.

Got to go.

I have stalkers watching what I'm saying.













Maybe if I scroll enough they won't watch.


Meh. Blogging over.

Back from the depths of ____.

So the doctor. Oh my lawd. I have never been so nervous in my life. I was shaking the entire ride there and held back tears the entire time. Then the shot came.

It felt like.... LLLIKKEEE..... an insignificant pinch.

All the worry for nothing.

There's a small man sitting next to me. He's wearing dark sun glasses so I won't know where he's looking.

He's about two feet from the computer screen now.

Oh sweet Jesus. He's logging into the computer next to me.

Oh I got to hear a classmate play guitar today. Not bad. I wish I could play guitar. I'm on the computer in the computer room. It's terrible in here, so white and sterile. The blinding overhead light is killing me. I wish I had blinders on.... or a visor. You know, that nerdy hat that looks like a duck bill? Yeah. that would help me. I really dislike this room. It's so confining.

On top of that, this computer doesn't have firefox. I love firefox. We go way back. Instead I'm forced to utilize the few options offered by old and tired Internet Explorer. No spell check. Not fast enough for me and my speedy needs. Nothing. It literally is only used to explore the internet. Nothing to help anyone. It's useless. The only good thing I can find from IE is that I was able to download firefox from it. But other than that... nada.

Also, please don't think that I actually spell this badly.

Like I said.

There is no spell check, and this keyboard is huge for my tiny hands.

In some cultures, they would be considered near-nubs.

OH. And I'm playing the Priest in the book you're making us read. Did I mention that I'm terrible at reading out loud? Oh what's that? YOU ALREADY GATHERED SO? My lawd. I killed the Crucible. I really did, Mr. English Teacher. I was able to, not only gain the ability to completely mis-pronounce the word "conjure," but I was able to do a personal best at failing in front of people by MESSING UP THE WORDS, TWISTING THEM AND CHANGING ORDERS.

I......... I've failed you. All of you. -turns to English Honors 11- 

ALL OF YOU!!

Men Are Always Right

Men are always right? Right? Yes, men. Men men men men men. Men can wear ties, suits, and top hats. Men rule the world. Our species is not called "human" one hundred percent of the time, but "man." What is it about men that make them so much more superior? Their ability to grow facial hair? Their ability to never get pregnant? Ahhhh that. They can never have babies. Therefore they are completely more sufficient and able in the world to complete that, that a woman cannot.

What is it about the "wo" at the beginning of "woman" that makes the feminine race less able? "WO IS ME."

Man is a disgusting creature that walks among us all. They are so much more powerful than females, physically and legally and economically. Men are terrible and need to be stopped.

Anyway, so I have a doctor's appointment today. I'm not excited. I hate needles in shot formation. I mean, it's one thing if I'm doing it myself; I pierced my own ears for the second holes myself, but shots? NO.

I hate the doctors. I just don't like people touching me. AND DOCTORS ARE VERY TOUCHY.

I hate the inspections too. It's like there's no personal space or privacy. "Hey let's shove this down your throat! Oh, also, let me look into your head with this light. Okkaaayyy now it's time for you to get stabbed with this needle, and this one, and this one. All done! But don't forget! You get to have a sticker!"

I have to go now.

I

Hate

This....


>:O

I would name this "Number Four" but I was advised to break the habit

It's a Friday. YYESSS! Finally, finally. I've got to say, Fridays are my favorite days. I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of the whole thing. It's the weekend, so there's no pressure to do all your homework at once. Well, unless you're in Honors English 11 and your teacher assigns you to do online work constructively until, oh, let's say, February 9th when this hypothetical situation would be due.

I'm in the library. I'm going to stop announcing that I'm here every time I'm blogging, because I think y'all get the idea. I just never get online at home. Well, I do, I just get on at school significantly more. I can see you and your sophomore English class in the next room. They're all excited to be there, I can tell.

So, I've decided to English teacher it up for my career. I have been having a really hard time trying to find a career that I wouldn't hate. My mom was all, "GO INTO MEDICAL AND BE A RADIOLOGIST." I've been hearing that song and dance for the longest time. Not even kidding, years. I do enjoy the pay I'd be receiving, but that's the only thing about it that I'd like. I have a strong dislike for sick people, broken bones, and pregnant people. I hate the thought of going into work everyday to take pictures of people's insides, and for what? So I can hand over the pictures to a real doctor to decide how to fix the patient? I already know I'd hate being the assistant. Any kind of assistant would annoy me. Nursing, radiology, secretary. If I'm going to do the job, I'd like the credit. If I'm going to be getting and paying for the education then I want to be the title and the person the people thank for fixing them.

I was going to be an interpreter. The pay is good, the hours are flexible, and you make a difference. But, you have to be completely anonymous and invisible. You are in the middle of everyone's personal conversations and not allowed to have a say, really. I'd like to have it as a hobby job or something, but not a lively-hood.

So, with all that in mind, I have had nothing to look forward too after high school. I wanted to be a cop as a kid, but my mom crushed that dream fast. Same with architect. "Too much danger in both, dear." She actually was the one to say no to translating, but I, out of spite, pressed on with it. Now I have to actually choose the career to support myself for life, and that's even more scary then my mother's disapproval.

All through school my teachers have told me be a teacher, and half the time I am a teacher. Mr. Civics Teacher once made me teach his class- improvisation was needed. And now, because I'm ASL 2 in ASL 1 class, I'm a regular sub for her. I'd like to think I do well, so this is an option I'm probably most definitely taking. I think there's so many cool things I could do in English in particular that would be difficult in other subjects; like computer conveniences, lots of projects, and certain kinds of thinking involved. Abstract and always changing. It's not all just, "read this and write a report for Monday."

I'll be looking into further education and scholarships this weekend.